Thursday, May 31, 2007

single digit size jeans!!

woo hoo hooooo!!!! okay, not exactly single digit size, but yesterday I bought a pair of blue jean shorts in size 9/10, which I haven't worn in quite a long time (unless you count Gap jeans that run extremely large for what number they give them, or used to back before I had kids). I had to, I have nothing that fits me anymore. Keep in mind that I also last week made myself a pair of shorts, using a pattern that is size 16W, and those also fit me... with major alterations to the inseam (no, not inseam, rise?) length because I didn't feel like wearing my britches up around my ribcage, or having my crotch hang down to my knees. Nope, not gonna post pics of that monstrosity. They have to be the ugliest pants ever created! But they were my first attempt at ever sewing pants (unless you count Barbie clothes), and they *do* fit.

i don't understand...

link can someone explain economics to me? seriously. I had to take both macro- and micro- economics in college because I changed my major and the other was required, but did rather poorly in both classes. Money stuff doesn't make good sense to me. I thought a strong stock market and high dow jones meant economic prosperity? Do you know anyone in the real world who isn't having trouble paying their bills right now? Or are the reports about Wall Street just evidence of the widening gap between the classes? How can the CEO's sleep at night knowing their companies are making millions of dollars while the people making the money for them aren't earning a living wage? Why is it that upper management pays itself so well, when their own prosperity depends on the workers? Honestly, I don't understand it at all. another link

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

outdoors

I have been unable to spend much time inside lately. Gotta be outdoors! Don't understand people complaining of the heat, it's only MAY and it's only gonna get hotter. I have more of a tan now than I've had since I was a kid.

So it hasn't rained in quite some time, and I've had to water my veggie garden (almost) daily. Yesterday, while watering the garden, our friend Robin's sister (I don't know it's a female, but this one is still speckled with brown on the chest and back) came to visit. She hopped right up to the spray of water and looked at me in a very quizzical sort of way. Next thing I knew, she was in the water, taking a little shower. I moved the spray, she hopped right back in it. I called the kids to come see, and little bird was not afraid at all, even though oldest child moves too fast (littlest one seems to instinctively know not to move fast around animals, and wild things do seem to love her).

as for my garden, the cucubrits (squash, cucumbers, watermelon, zuccini, and pumpkins) all seem to be doing really well. There are three bean plants that look pretty good, too - even picked off some flowers to let them grow a bit larger before setting seeds. The pineapple is much happier outdoors than it was inside in a flower pot. I have very few kale, turnip, and broccoli plants, and those are kinda puny. The sunflowers on one side of the garden are doing quite well, but those on the other side apparently have fungus of some sort. It's probably about time to go ahead and plant some okra, will do that later this week, when the forecast calls for rain. All in all, I'm quite pleased with the results so far. Not bad for my second attempt at veggie gardening!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

what can I do?

well, for starters, you can start asking your favorite (and not-so-favorite) news sources and civic action groups where their story on
NATIONAL SECURITY PRESIDENTIAL DIRECTIVE/NSPD 51
HOMELAND SECURITY PRESIDENTIAL DIRECTIVE/HSPD-20
might be found. link

Why is it that virtually nobody has even heard of this? Why aren't we-the-people screaming from the rooftops about it? What is it that you are afraid of? Afraid of what others might think? What difference will it matter what they think if, heaven forbid, some cataclysmic emergency were to happen and this directive actually be put to use?

another reply somewhere else

from a message at the forums here ...except this is my blog and I can edit my posts and add more detail and such... :D (no, I have not broken my promise to not visit forums anymore. I did not register there. I followed a link there from an article somewhere else, and just couldn't be quiet on this subject. You know me.)

Do you not recognize the ridiculousness of a collective gathering of anarchists, or any organized "movement"? Just do your own thing. People are starting to wake up, lots and lots of them, to the abuses we have suffered at the hands of authorities. Talk about those subjects that make people uncomfortable, that make them afraid. Because it is our own FEAR that makes us allow the authorities to control us. Yes, we allow them to control us, it's up to us to be free, or not. Think about it. Write about it (I blog because nobody really wants to hear all I have to say on this subject), and talk about it at every chance. It's amazing the vast numbers of people who agree but are simply too afraid of the Thought Police (here in America, fer cryin' out loud!) to say anything about it. Look inside yourself for the answers to what you need to do. Isn't that the root of what anarchy is all about? Autonomy? Freedom? So live it. Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Follow your heart. It will not steer you wrong. And when your friends and family see how much happier you are when you trust yourself, they will start trusting in themselves as well and it will spread like a plague through the Earth and we will be free!!! The big change is already happening, the time is NOW. Do you want those in power to choose your future? Create the world you wish your children to inherit. Because if you don't, someone else will.

Monday, May 28, 2007

and another reply to another person's blog

link

thanks for the comment on my blog.

I have to disagree with you, though, vehemently, when it comes to human rights. Yeah, those pesky gay people are human, you know.

All humans are deserving of respect. My father (link1 link2) was married (in Spirit, anyway) to a wonderful man for the last 18 years of his life. That's a heck of a lot longer than most hetero marriages last nowadays, and was definitely a much more stable environment and positive example for myself and my sister than my mother's dysfunctional marriages to abusive men. Gay people don't have to adopt to have children, else I wouldn't be here today to argue with you about it. What makes anyone more deserving of children than someone else? Why do you get to decide? Are you not commanded [sic] to never judge your fellow man? Regardless, they are people, humans just like you, and they have feelings just like you and they deserve respect, just like you.

and as far as Wicca goes, or any other religion... why do you want to shelter your children from other's beliefs? If your faith is the One True Faith, where is the threat? What are you afraid of? That your kids might actually look inside themselves to find their own path? That their path might be different from yours? Isn't that the whole point of homeschooling? To raise children who can think for themselves and make their own decisions rather than always being told what to do, how to act, AND what to believe?

Look inside yourself. If your fears are only based upon threats (they'll go to hell if...) maybe those fears need to be reexamined for what they are, a means of controlling the masses.

Homeschooling, for me, is about not allowing my children to be controlled and abused by anyone, ever. To give them a chance at autonomy. Because without autonomy, none of us are free.

rambling reply not posted on someone else's blog

link (I'm not finished editing this, but gonna post it now regardless. Check back, it may change drastically before the day is over...)

hm... you all know my story by now? DD1 - incredibly highly managed pregnancy, c-section (not necessary, IMO, rather made necessary because of doctor intervention), unable to breastfeed, FTT, blah blah blah... okay, bear with me, this ties in to a deeper issue. I had no faith at all in myself, everything worked against me to not trust myself or my body to do anything right.
why is it that DD2 was born naturally, breastfed no problem, and now I'm unschooling both girls? It's because of what happened with DD1's horrible birth. My heart was screaming at me, telling me she was okay. I chose not to listen to my gut and placed my trust in the doctors and nurses instead. Look where that got me! They used my own fears against me, in order to force me to obey.

Here's what I think the deal is. We are being abused whenever any authority figure places a higher importance on what they want us to do than on what we know deep down inside is right. What happens when people are abused? Either they lay down and take it, somehow convince themselves they want it that way, or they fight back. I was pushed too far and I fought back (everyone has their own breaking point). I think most people will someday stop taking it, start trusting their instincts, and fight for what they know, deep in their hearts, to be right. They have to, else the human race is doomed.

I don't think it's men vs. women. I think that's another way to keep us fighting amongst ourselves rather than working together to make the world a better place. Okay, bear with me... going back to your original post... way back around 400bce Plato wrote in his Republic that public education was one of the best ways for those in power to ensure that they would remain in power. we have been trained all our lives never to question authority, and to not believe in ourselves. It just so happens that the authority has usually rested in the hands of abusive men. Our social structure, our organized religions, have all served to enable men to abuse women, but the men are not the enemy, the established order of things which creates this system of abuse is at the root of the problem.

History continues to repeat itself over and over again, everywhere you look. Anyone who tries to tell us to believe in ourselves, to trust our hearts or our instincts is ostracized, ridiculed, and/or murdered by the authorities. It's all part of a much bigger picture, but the solution is simple. We need to replace our faith in those authorities with faith in ourselves. But first we need to recognize that it is our own fear that allows them to control us. People are not the enemy, no matter what they say or do, FEAR is the real enemy we should all be working together to fight!!

Sunday, May 27, 2007

who needs school?

School's out for summer, that is, for some kids. We do our version of unschool every day and don't recognize summer vacation as anything different. So the other day, my kids were playing with the neighbor's grandkids. Lovely boys, I knew their father when I was a kid. They are a few years older than my oldest kid, and have always played really nice with the girls, even littlest one. Anyway, one of them was talking about school, asked where J goes to school. I told him she doesn't go to school, that she's homeschooled instead. He proceeded to tell me very seriously that she *needs* to go to school. I asked him why (I'm not above debating with a child, if that's the only person who cares to start with me). So the washing machine stopped and I had to grab the laundry and put it on the line, so the debate ended with me saying "she does go to school, she just does it at home."
As I was hanging the wash on the line, the children somehow packed themselves (both of my girls, plus the triplet boys) in our rather small sandbox, which is right beside my clothesline.

Same boy started to tell my kids what he feels are the most important things he is learning in school... He told them to never trust strangers, that you should always trust your family, your parents and your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, and your cousins, but you should never trust any strangers ever. I let him get his shpiel out before I disagreed. I said "that's not always true! You should always listen to your heart to tell you who you should trust or not." Didn't want to get into how most every single person I know who was victimized as a child, the perpetrator was a family member or close family friend, so I said, "how are you ever going to make new friends if you never trust strangers?" He said, "but they might hurt you. They might kill you!!" I said, "but they might not. They might be wonderful people and you'd never know it because you don't trust them." He started repeating what he has already said, verbatim, like it's been drilled into his head that way. I said "I don't believe that and I don't want my children thinking it is true." J stepped in at that point and said, "It's okay, Mama, I know not to believe it." end of conversation.

The next most important thing he learned in school is to never use bad words, said that makes you a bad person. Okay, you who know me can picture my eyes buggin out of my head at this point. I simply said you aren't a bad person if you aren't hurting anyone, it's just words. He repeated the pre-packaged shpiel verbatim, then added, "but it's okay sometimes like when your Mommy gets really upset with you,,, and boys cuss a lot, too." I turned around at that point, couldn't contain myself any longer and said, "I cuss a lot, too." Everyone got very quiet. I hung another pair of jeans on the line before I added, "I'm just real careful not to cuss around people who don't like to hear those words. Some people get really upset about it when you cuss." Brother said "Yeah, like teachers." We all agreed that one should never ever use cuss words around teachers, it makes them go crazy. LOL

This, at least from these particular children's perspectives (I believe they attend one of the better local christian schools), are the important things they are learning in school and why my kids should go. hmmm... Of course, academically, J is right about the same level they are and they have been in school for several years now while she is officially just finishing kindergarten, but that's not what matters. What really matters is that you behave a certain way, otherwise you are a bad person. What really matters is that you never trust people you don't know. EEEK!

Saturday, May 26, 2007

current news websites (links)

last edited: 6/3 10:00AM est

some interesting sites to read the news:

http://www.informationliberation.com/
http://www.truthdig.com/
http://www.dailykos.com/
http://thinkprogress.org/
http://onlinejournal.com/ (great articles, no comments)
http://www.commondreams.org/
http://www.wanttoknow.info/
http://www.alternet.org/
http://antiwar.com/
http://www.populistamerica.com/ (no comments by readers)
http://www.counterpunch.org/ (no comments by readers)
http://democracynow.org/ (transcript of tv news, no comments)
http://informationclearinghouse.info/
(check out http://www.ichblog.eu/ for the comments on articles from the above site)

(edit to add some more that I haven't actually checked out yet, but intend to when I get some time to do so and will post my thoughts about them, or move them to the above list.)

http://prisonplanet.com (too many flashing pictures, sensationalist, smells like FearSpeak)
http://rense.com (too many flashing pictures, blech)
http://whatreallyhappened.com
http://nw0.info
http://conspiracycentral.net:6969/
http://www.newstarget.com/
http://conspiracyarchive.com
http://www.propagandamatrix.com/
http://www.justiceplus.org/ (blech, don't even bother with this one)
http://www.apfn.org/
oh, never mind about them. they all seem about the same (no I have not visited them all). Same format, flashing images, message is "be afraid, be very, very afraid" ...but I know that fear is the real enemy of the people.

send me more!! I'm starting a collection... will probably put a link list in the sidebar over there to the right side of this page. Blogs would be especially welcome. I prefer sites that invite discussion and debate on the articles they provide.
No, I do not always agree, and that's a good thing. But it is always lots of fun to read the comments by others. It's also most interesting to compare stories between those sites and the others we all know (pick one of any of the major media websites, they're all the same). I do read usatoday.com and bbc.co.uk pretty regularly to balance it all out.

And the top headline front page of today's local newspaper this morning was about dog poop!! No kidding! Heaven forbid the natives have their long weekend ruined by thinking about the horrible state the world is in right now....

"There's Only One Movement Now"

link

little snippet for you:
"Saying there is only one movement now does not mean that things like the struggle for economic justice or civil rights is over - it just means that every single person who believes that there is hope for a decent future, and who has some investment in that future now shares the same basic goals. We must remediate and adapt to what is coming. We must deal with peak oil and climate change. We must get over our stupid prejudices and divisions and form a whole cloth movement of universal JUSTICE. Peak oil is about Justice. Climate Change is about Justice. They are about the most basic questions of human justice - who eats? Who lives? Who has water? Who decides? Who gets health care, and to have their kids live to grow up, who gets enslaved and impressed into military service? Who decides to let someone die, and who actually does the dying?" ...article by Sharon Astyk

FearSpeak

Here you go... we aren't afraid enough of the Iraqis anymore, we need somebody bigger and more frightening to scare the US public. link

Friday, May 25, 2007

public service announcement

click here to take a quiz, "should I be gluten-free" link

I have endometriosis. I always have had it. The belly pains were present as far back as I can remember. I also have numerous food sensitivities that usually cause intestinal distress, not to mention environmental allergies and such-like. Perhaps you also have mystery belly pain? Maybe you have been to the doctor over and over again, trying to get some sort of answer. Lots and lots of people do. Perhaps, like myself, you tried certain dietary changes to see if it would help, seeing as how the doctors weren't much help. Sometimes the changes helped a bit, sometimes not. Perhaps, like me, you didn't give those changes long enough to really know one way or the other. I didn't realize that eliminating wheat causes withdrawal symptoms that are worse than what the wheat itself causes. So when I had gone a week (maybe two) without any wheat, and my belly pains were just as bad if not worse, I figured that was not the problem. It wasn't until my children were having issues that I looked into it further and tried eliminating wheat again, this time very gradually, and realized that I should not be eating it, ever. I was hoping it was just a wheat allergy, but the kids' and my problems did not completely go away after eliminating wheat and I went after other gluten-containing food ingredients, cutting back on them oh-so-gradually. With the elimination of each item from our diet, we continued to feel better and better. Now we eat no gluten of any kind. We also do not eat oats, which officially don't contain gluten but do cause the same symptoms in us, worse even. I didn't realize how bad I felt until I started feeling better. Now, instead of noticing the good days since they were so few and far between, I notice the bad ones instead. What my doctors called "IBS" or "unspecified intestinal/bowel inflammation" is gone! My children are not exhibiting autistic-like behaviors anymore. I am no longer constantly experiencing anger and rage and really scary mood swings unless I accidentally ingest gluten, which does happen occassionally. I have run into people that I suspect should not be eating gluten, but they don't want to hear about it. It breaks my heart. I know if they'd just give the gf diet a chance, they'd feel so much better. So, because of the reaction I get when I mention it, I simply bite my tongue most of the time. Anyway, take the quiz, it only takes ten minutes and it could drastically change your life forever.

...Or take this quiz instead, it's even quicker and gives a better idea about different symptoms that indicate celiac. I checked 14 boxes (for myself, if I included the kids' symptoms, it would be even more), the website states that having just one box checked from each of the two categories could indicate celiac...

many many thanks to Gluten-Free Girl's blog for the links to the quizzes!! Just spreading the word.

no news?

the most interesting news I read this morning was the commentary after an unfavorable review of the new Pirates movie (I don't care, I want to see it for myself anyway). The Democrats are angry with their elected politicians, well big suprise! I mean, did they really expect any more from them? there's a mother less one son who is angry about the war.... uh, he made the choice to pick up that gun and wave his flag, and he paid the price all soldiers know is a possibility. How many mothers are less a son or two (or sons less a mom or sister) at his hands? hmmm? Oh, but they aren't human, those Iraqis, right? How many people were those explosives he was about to use intended to eliminate? link

oh, dear. That wasn't very nice. Well, I'm not feeling very nice this morning. This is my blog, I can write what I want here. This is where I get to rant and rave about all those things nobody wants to talk about. I gotta let it out. I don't care if you like it, I don't care if nobody reads it, I just gotta say what I gotta say.

It pains me to read about anyone dieing in this war, it doesn't matter what side they are on. It pains me even more to realize that had they not died, they would have killed that many more people. There can be no winner when the game is death and destruction. Now all we can do is hope for a little less destruction and a lot fewer deaths, because the toddler in the White House is throwing a temper tantrum and doesn't want to stop playing his deadly game. And the nannies in Congress are afraid of him and his fits, so they stand quietly by and do nothing but watch him destroy everything in sight, or maybe they just close their eyes so they don't have to watch it at all.

Have we learned nothing from history? Even the convoluted, not-quite-right history I was taught in school? Come on, people! What the hell is going on?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

hip hip hooray

...and the American public cheers as more of our freedom is taken away (as long as they are targeting them and not us) link

article i want you to read

link If there's anyone left reading my blog anymore, If I haven't scared you all away, please take the time to read this article. I know it's long and our attention spans are short. But if you know me and care about me and want to know what my problem is, here it is, all written out for you. Just read it. Please. (Keep in mind I do not agree with the author on all points - I do beleive that anarchy (a self-governing populace) can work and that people are generally good inside. I believe it is always the abuse and control of people that causes them to abuse and control others. There has to be a way out of that cycle. I got out, why can't everyone else?)

There is a big change happening in the world right NOW! Can't you feel it? Just look around you, open your eyes. It is up to all of us, each of us, to either sit back and let it happen the way the money people want it to happen (or worse), or we can create the change we want. It really is up to us. There are more of us than there are of them. And each single good-hearted person is worth a million of those who wish the power to control us. Shall we allow our fears to manifest into our own worst nightmares? Fear is the fuel and the fire is burning out of control. Eliminate the fuel, the fire will die. Create the world you wish your children to inherit. You do have the power to do it, I believe in you.

You don't believe me, because you are afraid. Fear is their greatest weapon against us. It is fear that prevents us from taking action. We no longer believe we can make a difference, but we can. Find it inside yourself, your heart already knows what you must do. War would be nothing more than a board game for the rich and lazy if the soldiers suddenly all found their consciences and put down their guns and said "I'm not killin' no more people for you" - nobody seems to believe me, but that's what they gotta do, it's the right thing to do, it's the only answer. There's never any excuse for killing. They can blame their commanders for ordering them to pull the trigger, while their commanders' hands remain free of blood, but somewhere, somebody has to realize that it's wrong and simply stop doing it. Easy as that.

Those with the power fear us, they are afraid we want their power. Prove them wrong! I don't want power over them any more than I want them to have power over us! The power game has to stop, the chain that binds us to the cycle of abuse and control has to be broken. And we, each of us, have to break that chain for ourselves. Only then can we ever be free.

We can't just sit back and wait for the Angels to come down from the Heavens and save us, they are already here (not sure but that they have always been here) but very few people are listening to what they have to say!! We have been told they don't exist, that people who hear voices or see ghosts are crazy. We are afraid to hear them or see them because we don't want people thinking we are the crazy ones. So you don't believe, and as far as most of you perceive reality, they no longer exist. I know they exist and are very real. But you don't have to believe me, look inside yourself for your own answers. Your Truth may very well be different than mine, does that make it any less True? I'm not afraid anymore, I don't care if you think I'm crazy because your opinion of me does not define who I am. Only I define who I am, and I like me and I know I am not insane, I believe I am perhaps a bit more rational than most other people, in fact.

*sigh* ...is anyone listening?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

more ramblings on freedom

why should people be free?
they are stupid and can't think for themselves
they need someone to tell them what to do

...but just maybe it is only because they (we) have always been told what to do that they (we) won't think for themselves. Just maybe if we respected everyone's right to freedom we would redeem ourselves.

Humor me in this. Imagine a woman who has an abusive partner. He creates fear in her, whittles away at her self respect and self image to the point where she needs him to tell her who she is. He does this in so many different ways, it is all-encompassing, present behind their every interaction. Maybe he's one of the explosive tempered sort, just blows up and starts hitting her when he's angry. But even if his threats aren't of physical violence, he still threatens her with something, if he's smart it's whatever she fears the most. He probably blames her for his anger, and she believes him. She blames herself for the bruises he inflicts upon her body.

What needs to happen in this relationship is that they both need to learn that we are all responsible for our own actions. He needs to stop blaming the alcohol, his wife, his job, or whatever else excuse he finds for causing him to do what he does. She needs to find it within herself that she is an autonomous person, and worthy of respect. She can't force him to stop the blaming and excuses, but she can recognize them for what they are. She can't prevent him from belittling her and painting a weak pitiful picture of who she is, but she can choose not to believe him, to paint her own picture of herself.

This is what citizens should do as well. We need to stop believing the media and the government when they tell us we are weak and stupid. We need to see the threats as a play on our fears and a means of controlling us. We need to recognize the blame game and not play by those rules. Democracy makes us responsible for the government, we have to take back that responsibility and do something with it, or else admit we are not responsible and they can't blame us for their mess any more. How long do we take the abuse? Are we the beaten down wife who dies after a lifetime of misery and pain? Or not...

At this point it inevitably pops into my mind that the battered wife is at most danger when she tries to leave, and there's the fear again. I know you feel it too. Fear is what gives them control. Are we so afraid that we don't deserve freedom? Oh, durnnit, there's that self-doubt. I am a human person, autonomous and free. I have free will and my actions are my own. Nobody can make me do anything unless I give them the power to control me. They can take everything else away from me, but I'm still human and responsible for the effect my actions have on the world in which I live. The choice not to act is as much an action as anything else I can do, and I must accept responsibility for the effects of my inaction as well. And, perhaps most importantly, I am not responsible for the actions of others, no matter how they may attempt to force the blame upon me.

I owe it to my children to teach them by example. Do I want them learning how to submit and obey and conform to the good citizen model, to be a compliant worker and never question authority? Or do I teach them how to believe in themselves and stand up for their freedom? There's that fear again. I'm Mommy, and it's my number one responsibility to keep them safe and happy. Does that mean I lie down and take the beating, knowing that sometime later my children will have to either take it or fight it themselves? Honestly, I can't answer that question. I'm too afraid.

Happiness... are most people happy? How many millions of people are or have been taking antidepressants of one sort or another? Are the abused people who don't know, won't admit, they are abused happier than those who recognize it as abuse? I know that when it was I in a co-abusive relationship, denial did not make me any happier. It was when I started to recognize the denial that I allowed myself to do something about my life and was able to change the situation in which I found myself. When do we (humanity in general) finally recognize that we are still responsible for our actions, even when we give others the power to control us? When do we recognize that we are not responsible for anyone's actions but our own? That has to be the first step, doesn't it? If we can somehow get rid of the control issue baggage and believe in ourselves, maybe we can then respect everyone else's right to believe in themselves as well.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

my garden experiment

Here is my little garden. I piled up the leaves from our maple tree last fall and left them to compost in their own time all winter where I had tried to have a garden last year. Late this winter, I started adding all our kitchen scraps to the compost pile, and have some lovely black gold, and lots and lots of worms. My idea was to let the worms do all the digging for me, make the soil good and fluffy, drag bits of compost underground... basically the laziest gardening method ever devised!! And it seems to be working marvelously. So what I did was rake the compost into the middle, and plant seeds around the edges where the leaf mulch got rid of all the grass and weeds for me (no weeding!). You can dig in the soil with your bare hands, and we have really hard red clay for a backyard without any topsoil to speak of (apparently this neighborhood was built upon the dirt TVA scooped up when they built the lake). You can't really see the sprouts coming up, believe me, there's lots growing in that little garden of mine!! I'm so excited about it, can you tell?

Here is our little friend the robin. He's a young robin, we watched him learn to fly earlier this spring. He always rested under our maple tree because it seems our yard is a bit too big for a baby bird to make it all the way across in one go. We made extra sure not to frighten him, and now he's nearly tame. He thinks my garden is a worm farm, made just for him. He especially likes it when I'm watering the plants or turning the compost pile. He will stand just the other side of the spray of water, watching me carefully as he flips through the leaves and eats his fill of yummy juicy worms! He also is fascinated by the clothesline, and will follow me around as I hang the wash out to dry, standing close enough that maybe I could catch him if I were so inclined. I reckon he knows I'm no threat. He keeps me company when the mosquitos force the girls inside. He has a sister that likes the compost pile too (or rather, the worms that are to be found in it) but he chases her off, and she just isn't quite as tame as our little robin friend. Seeing as how we've read The Secret Garden a dozen times now, we were thinking of him in the same lines as Ben Weatherstaff's robin, but Anam informs me that the robins in Europe aren't the same kind of bird at all. Well, he certainly shares the personality of the robin described in that book!

be informed

National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive link
I knew that psycho wasn't going to just let go of the White House when his eight years were up!! Read it for yourself. Wonder what horrible "catastrophic event" they have planned for us?

read it for yourself, then read what others are saying about it, like here: "It is insane that this directive claims that its purpose is to define procedures to protect a working constitutional government when the very language in the document destroys what a working constitutional government is supposed to be. A working constitutional government contains a separation of powers between three equally powerful branches and this directive states that the executive branch has the power to coordinate the activities of the other branches. This directive is a clear violation of constitutional separation of powers and there should be angry protests from our legislators about this anti-American garbage that came from the President."
Another good one here
A quick google turns up nearly 2,000 blog posts on this subject! I sure didn't read about this in USAToday.com or any other mainstream news media (or even the big liberal publications, either) that I read daily online.

edit - Okay, here's my take on the current political situation. What's gonna happen, see, is the Democrats are gearing up to impeach Bush (as they should have done back in 2001). They'll have to, if they want to remain in power else have a full-scale revolution on their hands. They'll give us Bush to blame for the problems in our government. They might even undo some of the damage that's been done to our Constitutional rights, but I kinda doubt that. I think they will get rid of Bush, blame him for all the problems (as if they had no hand in any of it), make a big huge media stink about it, and then benefit from the atrocities that were committed under his reign. Because they really are no different than the Republicans, and they are still controlled by the same money people. Hoping they prove me wrong...

Monday, May 21, 2007

Sunday, May 20, 2007

glutenized!


It's mostly over by now, but my oldest child and I had a definite gluten reaction a few days ago. Not sure what caused it. Certainly it was cross-contamination, but from what? I've been purchasing nuts from the bulk bins at the health food store all along and have never had this issue before, but that is the top suspect and I'll have to get jarred/canned nuts from now on. Bleh! They just aren't as good as those "organic free trade" high dollar nuts, but we can't afford the extra expense right now anyway. I originally suspected the taco shells (we get the Food Lion brand, had a reaction to the name brand ones every time), but DH reminded me that I was cranky and crazy before we ate those tacos. I have managed to cut our grocery bill by more than half!! And perhaps I got something that wasn't quite okay for us to eat in the process. I really don't know.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

stripey feet!


This is what happens when you wear Birkenstocks and forget to put sunblock on your feet...

Friday, May 18, 2007

buried treasure!

well, sorta anyway. While playing in my compost yesterday, I found an avocado pit that had started to grow. No, we don't eat avocados, I'm allergic to them. It must have been JenJen's that she threw out while visiting here. I'm going to let it grow outdoors and see what happens. If it makes it, I'll bring it inside before weather turns cold this fall. Thinking along those lines, I should probably put my pineapple top outdoors, I bet it would grow much faster there than inside. Oh, and my amaryllis bulbs, too! Especially the ones I grew from seed. They don't seem to grow much at all indoors.

So right now I have quite a bit still growing in my garden. There are the cucumbers, squash, and zucchini transplants that were Mom day presents from DH. There are watermelon and pumpkin seedlings, too. The zinnias we planted back in March are doing well. Not much spinach, I think it got eaten or weather got too warm too fast, but there's lots of kale sprouting up, and turnips, and broccoli and cauliflower. A few of the beans I planted seem to be going strong - they were just regular dry beans from a 15-bean soup bag. Now, this is a tiny little garden, see, and there's not enough room for all that, so it's okay for the bunnies to get some of it... :D

Thursday, May 17, 2007

blech

oh never mind, I'm not going to whine about money, really I'm not. Not gonna whine about certain friends who haven't been acting very friendly lately. Not gonna complain about the unending piles of laundry and the sink full of dirty dishes. I'm certainly not gonna bitch and moan about my health, which is better than it was, but still not great. And I've done enough complaining about the government lately to last anyone through to next year.... so what does that leave?

...yeah, my kids. They are great! Have I told you how incredible my children are? Maybe, but I always hold back, afraid that I come across as braggy or competitive about it. My oldest child, who is officially a kindergartener, regularly picks out books and other material of interest to her that are geared towards third grade students, or even higher. She chose, all by herself, to have dreadlocks in her hair, and it suits her personality so well. She's the square peg, but she only laughs at all those round holes! My littlest one has a sense of humor that is just amazing. I've never known another child so into puns and word-play as she is. When she was a baby, big sister used to call her "the laughiest laugher" :) She soothes my soul when I'm feeling troubled. The two of them are so alike in many ways, but polar opposites in how they learn and approach life and the world in general. A day does not go by that I am not amazed at each of them in some way. When I look at my kids, I know the world isn't all bad, there really is hope for the future if people like them will be in it.

I think, today, I will play outdoors. I will stomp around barefoot through my compost pile. I will thin my lovely veggie seedlings (if the rabbits have left any of them behind). I will pull up poison oak/ivy by the roots since DH is highly allergic to it, but I am not. I will start hacking down that horrid forsythia that only looks pretty for two or three weeks out of every year. I will try to decide where to plant the extra daylilies that need to be thinned in the worst way. maybe I'll even start digging up some of those perennials that have totally overgrown my front flower beds (I know it's the wrong time of year, but it needs to be done. anyone closeby is more than welcome to come help in exchange for free plants!). I'll stop and smell the roses. That's what I'll do. Then I'll feel much better, heart and soul.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

etsy shop closing!!

link seriously, I am not renewing any of my items that have or recently will expire. I have not sold one single thing through Etsy. If you wish to make a purchase, do it today (J's dread beads actually expired yesterday, but right now are still there. The rest expires in the next few days. For some reason, I thought I got six months, not just four?). If anyone makes just one purchase, I will have enough $$ in paypal to renew my listings. BIG HUGE discount and free shipping to anyone who enters the coupon code "crap" in the comments, just wait for me to send you an invoice. Otherwise, I'm done with it. Chalk another one up to a learning experience. I just don't have the time or inclination to spend half my day online promoting my etsy shop at various message forums (see the addiction post for more on that) or making hundreds of little things with which to fill my shop. Everything is still available for sale, anything I ever had listed at etsy or in this blog post here. One more week and my kids can have them, seeing as how they've wanted to keep everything I make all along.

penguins

we went to the aquarium yesterday to see the penguins

too many school groups there, but we did manage to get back to the penguins in between groups. I don't understand why they'd bring in so many kids that nobody can see or hear anything going on, much less be able to read the information plaques, but they always do (I'm sure it's all about the revenue). Maybe next time we'll have a more relaxed visit. my girls always get upset when surrounded by schoolchildren being herded through places like cattle (sheep?). I do, too. Big sister J almost started crying on several occassions, like when she wanted to go inside the crab tank but the school kids were all pushing their way in rather than taking turns and being respectful of those waiting patiently. Little one isn't the type to allow people to push her around, but even she was affected by the huge crowds of children. We all felt sad for those kids, and are very thankful that we homeschool instead. Anyway, it was a great educational experience for all of us, even if we learned more about people than we did about the animals we were there to see.

*sigh* ...on freedom

why did I start following the news again???

http://www.usatoday.com/money/world/2007-05-16-wolfowitz-cover-usat_N.htm

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/05/15/surveillance_scutiny/

and anywhere you look, you can find more disturbing news stories from mainstream and other sources. most interesting to me, are the comments following the news articles you read online. you know, we don't have to live like this, in fear of our own government and those who control it. we do have the power to change things. we have been lied to and brainwashed to think we are powerless, but we are very very strong, all of us, each of us. all we need is to believe in our strength. Once we believe we can change things, things will change. Fear is your worst enemy! It is in their best interest that we are afraid, same as it is for women giving birth in hospitals, and for children in institutionalized education systems (at home or in school), when we are afraid they have power over us and can control us that much easier. Humans are not meant to be controlled. They have us believing we need them to control us, but that's bullshit! That's the same tactic abusive spouses use on their victims. We don't have to allow them that power over us, because you see, it is only ourselves who can give that power away. We own our actions, all of them, even when we say we are being controlled, manipulated, or abused. It's up to us whether we allow them to control and abuse us. We can be free! We have to believe in our ability to be free! And we have to want to be free!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

argument, anyone?

I'm dying for someone to argue with. Doesn't matter what the subject. I need the brain exercise. Seems nobody wants to argue with me, not even when I try baiting them with things I don't really believe and know they disagree. I mean, it's rather boring when people either shut up and not voice their dissenting opinions, get angry and revert to personal attacks rather than logical argument, or worse, just lay down and start agreeing with me without bothering to take the effort to fight for their beliefs and opinions, even a little bit. *sigh* Have we all been beaten down to the point that everyone is afraid to think for themselves anymore? I thought that at least the few people I know and associate with on a regular or semi-regular basis would be an exception to that rule, but seems not to be the case at all. Come on, disagree with me, durnnit! It won't hurt my feelings, and I certainly won't get angry and start calling you names. Really, leave comments on my blog, you don't have to agree with me. I'd rather you didn't anyway. Nothing is more boring to me than someone who agrees with everything I say. Surely there's someone out there, somewhere, who isn't afraid to disagree?

censorship

It took CBS two weeks to fire Don Imus for racist and misogynistic comments, but it only took them two days to fire respected General John Batiste for speaking out against the president on the war.



moveon.org

poor judgement?

I think I could find some very much stronger words to say about this than that it showed a lack of good judgement:

"MURFREESBORO, Tenn. (AP) — Staff members of an elementary school staged a fictitious gun attack on students during a class trip, telling them it was not a drill as the children cried and hid under tables."

For your info, Scales Elementary School can easily be found with an internet search (as can the entire AP article). Here's the school's news release (PDF) regarding disciplinary action - one teacher and the assistant principal are suspended without pay for the remainder of this school year - what's that, two weeks? If it were my kids, I'd want those terrorists in jail. I sure hope the parents are working up a criminal lawsuit. Terrorizing children, there is absolutely no excuse! Not just that, but these are authority figures, the kids are supposed to trust them and look up to them, and to be treated in such a manner... oh... my... word!

Monday, May 14, 2007

i caved

you can find me on myspace now link but this blog is where I spend most of my limited online time... (okay, limited only in relation to the amount of time I previously spent online) :D

Sunday, May 13, 2007

who defines who you are?

yup, I'm waxing philosophical again. You can just skip this if thinking makes your head hurt. It's okay, I'll never know who reads this (or not) anyway. Now then, those of you who aren't scared off, who defines who you are? Are you one of the lucky few who follow their own hearts, or are you one of the herd, obediently doing what everyone else tells you to do, how to act, what to think? Have you never thought about it before? It is a scary thought. Those who listen to their instincts are a threat, and are ridiculed by the others. It starts real early, that training does, making us lose contact with who we really are. Way back in Kindergarten, when I wore my beautiful shiny red raincoat because I loved it so, and all the other kids laughed and made fun of me for it. I never wore it again. Such a shame. It was so cool, and I did really love that coat. What if I had been stronger? What if I had laughed back at them for not realizing how cool I was for wearing that shiny red raincoat? Would things be any different now, 30-some years later? Would it have taken becoming a mother for me to find myself, inside myself, rather than that constant seeking of external validation? Because that is what finally pushed me too far, when my first child was born, and both of us were incurably traumatized by the experience. I suddenly learned how to open my eyes and that I should always listen to my heart. It took a few more abusive authority figures before I was able to do so, but that's when I learned I should do it. I've always had issues with those who wish to have power over me, and perhaps it's because, lying dormant inside me was a guiding voice, and sometimes I did listen, but usually not when other voices disagreed with what it was telling me. And that's how I learned to listen, the hard way. It has never let me down, that inner guide, not when I trusted it, trusted myself, and followed my heart. Bad things happen to me when I ignore it's counsel, when I seek answers externally rather than finding them inside myself. So I ask you again, who defines who you are? Do you? Or do you seek the unsatisfying external validation of other people, the mindless, brainwashed hordes of other non-selves? Those people who are too afraid to trust themselves, to believe in the truths that are to be found only through introspection? Do you allow yourself to be told what to do, how to act, and what to believe? Or do you follow your instincts, your heart, your inner guide (or whatever else you wanna call it)? Do you trust in you?

check out listenlittleman.com

Saturday, May 12, 2007

information liberation

"the news you're not supposed to know" link

so I found this website while reading at the groovy green blog about how organic beekeepers aren't reporting losses like the big commercial beekeepers worldwide are. It's definitely worth a look-see.

Happy Mother's Day!

the origins of Mother's Day link

and slightly different, but in the same vein, check out momsrising.org
and watch the Motherhood Manifesto on PBS!! link

Friday, May 11, 2007

a knitting tote?

So, I have two days to make Mother's Day gifts for my mom and mother-in-law. MIL is a knitter, and I think I'll make her a tote for her knitting projects. Problem is, I don't knit, and have no idea what size bag would be best for this purpose? Please leave a comment by midday tomorrow (Saturday) if you don't mind, explain to me what is it that you would like in a knitting tote, pockets?, how long should the handles be, etc... Otherwise, I'll just get my kids to make them cards and be done with it. Well, I'm really hoping the girls will do that anyway... or I'll just make her what size seems best in my uneducated opinion.


edit - never mind. I just finished totes for both mom and mil. will post pics later.

edit again - DH borrowed the digital camera and I'm not sure where he left it. The girls actually made the straps for both totes, and helped sew some of the other seams as well. I sat them on my lap (one at a time) and mashed my foot down on the controller thingy foot pedal while they guided the fabric through the machine! Hey, whatever it takes to not be constantly interrupted. Plus, we can call it "homeschooling" as I believe learning a trade or craft to be much more important in the long run than memorizing times tables... Littlest one asked me why she doesn't have her own sewing machine! I think she's been eyeing that little Featherweight, it is just her size. :D

and another edit - I made the inside pocket for MIL's tote big enough for her knitting needles, then just built the tote around the pocket. I guess it's big enough for three balls of yarn plus the project in progress. My mom's tote is huge. She mentioned to me that she'd like me to make her a really big tote, like for groceries, but I'm not sure she meant quite this large. I was a bit taken aback at first, but now I really like it. If I had any interfacing left (or the money to buy more), I'd make myself one like it for picnics, shopping at the produce stand, and things of that nature.

things, things, things

why is it that you constantly see products advertised which claim to help you contain/organize/rid the clutter from your home? Do people not realize that the problem with clutter is the accumulation of too many things? Do the advertisers know this, and play on our love of things, trying to sell us more things by making false claims of decluttering our homes? For me, the clutter is all about an overcomplicated life. When I start to realize I don't need all those things, I simplify, my home becomes less cluttered, and I start thinking more clearly. Did I really need three different corkscrews, when wine gives me migraines in the first place so I don't drink it, ever? You should see the stack of storage boxes that are now in the basement! That was my previous attempt at decluttering, and it failed miserably. Why? Because I kept all those things I didn't really need in the first place! Simplify, that is the answer. Get rid of superfluous stuff. Get rid of broken, unwanted, and/or unused things. Get rid of things you hang on to solely out of a sense of obligation to the person who gave it to you or who previously owned it. Get over the attachment to things, and life becomes so much easier in the process, you no longer need those things to feel secure, and you start to feel better about yourself! Suprisingly enough, when you start feeling better about yourself, it's that much easier to get rid of more clutter, and the cycle is perpetuated. How cool is that?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

nobody told me

that the needle inserts backwards on those old Singer Featherweight machines. Also, since the needle goes in backwards, you thread it backwards as well. (well, backwards from any other machine I've ever used anyway.) So I got that straightened out, finally. I never could disassemble the bobbin shuttle, but I did manage to get the thread and gunk cleaned out of it regardless. The top thread tension adjuster knob still seems a bit sticky, but I didn't have any waxed dental floss to clean it with. I removed all the old thread (four different colors!) from the one bobbin I have that fits that particular machine, spooled some new thread on it, and gave her a test drive. And was rewarded with the most beautiful, perfectly straight, even stitches. Absolutely amazing! Seems even more amazing when you consider this sewing machine is 70 years old, and saw lots and lots of regular use in her time. I can see myself using it for any topstitching I might have to do, or any other time the stitches would show. And she's such a small machine, it won't be any trouble to drag her out and set her up whenever and wherever I need to.

hilarious!

I needed a good laugh.
link be warned this blog does contain "adult language" (so don't let your six year old read it) but if you are offended and can't laugh at what she has written, you really need... well, I'll leave the rest of that sentence to the imagination.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

another sewing machine

What a beauty! She was the first sewing machine I ever bought. I paid $40 for her in the 90's at my friend's mother's estate sale. And then put her in a closet and never thought about it again...until yesterday. I took her out, cleaned her up and oiled her really well, then cleaned her some more. The insides of this machine were gunked up with old lint and cat hair and who knows what else, at least a couple decades' worth. Kids were complaining that I spent all day long working on it, but I got her up and running again.

She is a Singer Featherweight from 1939 (according to Singer, based upon her serial number). Only sews a straight stitch, but supposedly does that really well (I have yet to test it out on some fabric). She's old, and really shows her age. The original decals are all but gone from the front side, and there's a small crack near the handwheel where the bobbin winder is attached. But she runs! I thought my Kenmore was quiet, but this machine, practically all you hear is the sound of the needle moving up and down (and with some more oil, I might be able to get rid of that sound too). I think she will make a great machine for my girls to learn to sew on. My littlest one is fascinated with sewing machines, watches my every move, and seems to be soaking it all up.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

life on hold

durn menses *%&#$! I ate way too much sugar last month and was not diligent in taking my magnesium supplements, so am having a pretty rough time of it.

So why is it that my husband can walk into any doctor's office complaining of smoker's cough and get stronger narcotics in his cough syrup than I can get for chronic, debilitating, life-on-hold, make-you-wanna-cry pain? (My pain is intestinal, and as such, inoperable. Surgery to remove the adhesions that are gluing my insides together would only cause more adhesions to form. The endometriosis was completely excised again just a couple years ago.) If I ask for anything, I'm treated like some sort of junkie, even though I have a definite diagnosis and the surgical videos to prove it. My gyn doc doesn't treat me that way, but I practically have to beg him for a prescription, and he won't give me any refills without going back to see him in his office and paying another copay each time. No thank you, I'll just lay here on my sofa with my OTC motrin and my rice pillow several days of each month instead, while my kids wreck the house and keep asking me why I won't play with them, and complain of hunger pains because snacky foods only keep you full for so long before you start wanting something hot and satisfying to eat, and the dirty dishes and laundry just pile up higher and higher... *sigh*

Saturday, May 5, 2007

gluten-free cinnamon rolls!

yeah, you read that correctly. Cinnamon rolls, indeed! slightly crunchy on the outside, soft and fluffy on the inside. Sometimes my family deserves sweet decadence for dinner. I have successfully made them twice now, so feel confident in sharing with you how I managed to do it.

dry ingredients:
One packet Chebe brand all purpose bread mix (the yellow one, not red).
one heaping 1/8 cup scoop of sorghum flour
one heaping 1/8 cup scoop of soya powder
one rounded tablespoon baking powder

wet ingredients:
two eggs
some oil (gosh, I don't know how much) 1/4 cup probably

in 1/2 cup hot water, mix in one package of rapid-rize yeast and two rounded tablespoons brown sugar, let it sit and get fluffy while you beat the eggs and oil together

start mixing dry ingredients listed above with the oily egg mixture
when that is nearly mixed together, add the yeasty sugar water (still warm)
mix it together (with your hands, works better) until consistent texture
do not overmix!
on a piece of wax paper, quickly flatten the dough to about 1/2 inch thick (maybe thinner, depends on how big a surface you have to work with).
let it rest just a minute or two
sprinkle on top of that, lots of brown sugar and a little cinnamon
roll it up into a log (the wax paper makes this easier)
slice the log with a knife and lay slices on cookie sheet.
cover and let rise while oven is heating to 375
cook until it smells done, or edges turn a medium shade of brown (I'd say it's probably about 20-25 minutes).

while that is baking, mix 1/2 stick of softened butter with some powdered sugar (I dunno, not more than one cup) and one capful vanilla extract. Ice the rolls while still hot out of the oven.

haircut

I chopped off my hair last night. It was way past time to do so. The bleached bits from when I dyed it purple were majorly damaged and more broke off every time I combed it. Yep, seems to happen regularly about every four years, and then I let it grow long again. Didn't realize I had quite so many gray hairs. This shorter (just past my shoulders), layered cut makes them much more obvious. I don't really mind, though, I'm secure in the illusion that I don't look my real age (even if I do feel old when I hang around with the young parents of kids my children's age). The new cut also shows off how thick and wavy my hair naturally is, and it feels so light and fluffy!

I love the rain!

I love the rain when it pours on our metal roof, lulling me back to sleep when I have to get up and pee. I love the way the entire world looks so green and shiny in the morning after a good shower. I love the smell of growing things, thanking the sky for the wonderful drink. I love watching my children splash in puddles and dig in the mud, and the joyous expressions on their faces while doing so. And I especially love rainy Saturday mornings when I'm the only one awake, nothing to listen to but the sound of the rain gently coming down and the few songbirds with so much happiness in their little souls that they can't help but sing anyway.

Friday, May 4, 2007

vanilla extract

I was asked by several different people recently what kind of vanilla I use in my cooking. It never occurred to me that the alcohol in the extract might not be gluten-free, but we have never reacted to it. I figure, if it had gluten, we'd know it by now (I use lots of vanilla in just about everything I make that is sweet). But my curiosity got the better of me and I emailed McCormick about their Pure Vanilla Extract (the brand I always use). Turns out there is no gluten in it, as I already knew, but it felt good to be validated (they use a "synthetic alcohol" instead, whatever that is). Not only that, but if their label doesn't have that allergy warning stating the product contains wheat, it is gluten-free. They call any sort of gluten "wheat" in their labelling. If a product has no ingredient warning, it is gluten-free. So there you have it! I did suggest they put the words "gluten-free" on the front label. If more companies did that it sure would save me lots of time in the grocery store. I'd be much more inclined to buy a product with the "gluten-free" label rather than taking the time to read the ingredient lists of all the other different choices.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

my puppets and dolls

are no longer up on my etsy shop. I guess it's been six months and the listings have ended. :( HUGE discount and free shipping now available to anyone who would like one (or two):







I do have others similar to these, and can always make more (different colors, whatever) upon request.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

the pony quilt project

catchy title, eh? some of you may recall, that about a year and a half ago, before I started this blog, I started making a patchwork quilt for my oldest daughter who is crazy for My Little Pony. Well, when it wasn't complete by the deadline I set for myself, I put it away, never to be seen again... until now. I am now a bit past half-way (probably more like 3/4) finished with the top of the quilt which consists entirely of 4-inch squares of fabric. It's been easier to construct than I anticipated, now that I have a cooperative sewing machine. But I've spent most of today snipping threads. snip snip snip... I'm covered in strings. My floor is covered in strings. But I got my creativity fix and my kids are happy. okay, it's time to turn the iron back on... don't understand how people can spend all their time making patchwork clothes to sell. I have all the respect in the world for them! Love the end result, the process is a bit daunting, to say the least.

war on clutter: progress report

So I've been keeping up the pace, picking up somewhat regularly and getting rid of superfluous stuff in our home. With one exception. Toys. (okay, really two exceptions, but I'm not counting dirty dishes right now.) The "toy room" is beyond my control. I got it perfectly clean and organized two days before our Valentine party, and it was a total train wreck by the time our guests arrived. I gave up. It's their stuff, their mess, the kids can deal with it themselves. Last night, little one was trying to find a particular special toy, without much luck. I told her I'd help her look for it, but we needed to start putting some things away to make our search easier. She looked at the mountain of toys and dress up clothes on the floor and said to me, "me wish my house was clean like K and E's house am." So I said to her, "it can be, but I need your help." Much to my suprise, both girls did actually help pick up toys in the toyroom. They even helped fill two large boxes with things (one toys, the other clothes and dress-ups) to give away! I'm so proud of them, of myself! I know it is my progress in decluttering that has inspired them to do the same. It's just more fun to play in a picked up room.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

stop thief!

coffeecity(dot)org has stolen posts from this blog, copy and pasted them onto their message forums to make it look like they have people posting there that are not. Sneaky (expletive) don't have contact info anywhere on their website, though I did find in the terms of use policy where they say "...contact us at the usual email address" but that email addy is nowhere to be found. If you or someone you know understands copyrights and how these things work, or can find out who this (expletive) *name deleted* is or how I can contact her, please let me know. I am not, I repeat, AM NOT registered at their forums, and it is not I who has copy and pasted stuff from my blog over there. At least they give my name and link to this blog, but it wasn't I who did it and it makes me feel violated. It wouldn't be so bad were she not pretending to be me. She could copy and paste snippets of my words all she wants, but to register as a user named stacy, giving this blog's url, and then to copy and paste my words over there is just wrong wrong wrong!
Perhaps you have posted something about coffee on your blog at one point or another? Either way, you might want to google your blog's name and/or url and see what turns up. Somehow, I kinda doubt that over 10000 people have actually joined the podunk forums there.

unpublished posts I've written

I have written many times things that I just had to get the words out, but couldn't share with others, and I feel more just burstin' out of me. I feel sad for things that are happening in certain other people's lives, but as for myself I'm in a strange euphoric state, happier than I've ever been before. It just doesn't seem fair. I wish everyone could open their hearts to the joy I am feeling. I wish everyone could look within themselves to find all the answers to their problems. The two go hand in hand, you know. Once you learn introspection and trust in your own intuition, you become aware of things... things that are impossible to describe. I could attempt to describe them, but in making that attempt, I would be wrong. We simply do not have adequate words to describe things not of this world. It's something you gotta find for yourself, within yourself. There are things no book or expert authority can teach you. Yes, I do believe in Spirit, angels, elohim, gods, whatever you wish to call it. It's very very real. It's more real to me than this desk I'm sitting in front of, even though I can't see it or touch it. Socrates called it daimonion, his inner voice that whispered the answers to questions of right and wrong. You have it inside yourself, too. Everyone does. We all just need to trust ourselves enough to listen to what it has to say. shhhhh...